The Business of Being Born

There is a documentary of what a birth can be like.  Not what it will be like but what it can be like.  The power your body has to host a baby, and prepare it to come here.  It is pretty amazing and intimidating if you think about it.  In this film I was able to learn so much of what you can do and so much of what your body can do.  In the end, you are not in control, your body is.

When I had Carter, I went 3 weeks early, my water broke and 30 hrs of non-intensive labour, my baby came out of my body with an 8 in incision.  Not how I really wanted it to go, but i didn't really have  a plan.  I made no effort to determine what I wanted to do or how I felt.  The only thing I know now after is I did not want the same out come.  Let me explain what outcome I mean...

When  you are awake for 30+ hours and you have no food and you labour your pretty beat, add a crappy epidural and then surgery your body will kind of freak out.  Well that is what happened with mine.  I was in such bad shape, Meaning I was have seizures and shaking so bad from the trauma that I was in a cloud looking down, watching my family pass my baby around, crying and taking pictures and rejoicing his presence.  I lay there completely wrapped up and the only thing you can see is my face, not even my hair.  My mom feeding me water and Ice chips.  I felt like I was not even there and I was broken hearted that I was missing this moment with my husband and son.  I DO NOT WANT THAT, AGAIN.

I can not control what my body did.  I can not control that I went 3 weeks early and never made it past a 3 and 70% effaced.  I feel I put to much on myself this time.  I wanted so badly to have a different experience that I only thought vaginal birth, no c-section.  What I am forgetting is that this has been a different experience.  I was in shape when I got pregnant, I have been having contractions and labour in my back.  I was sent home from the hospital because within the hour and a half I was there I didn't change in dilation.  I made it to my weekly appointments.  I had my membranes stripped.  None of those things I was able to experience with Carter. I look back and I am grateful.

When having a c- section you can have a vaginal birth if you meet certain requirements, and i happened to meet certain requirements.  So we planned on TRYING FOR A VAGINAL BIRTH.  With all my appointments including the 2 this last week, my contracting for hours, my labour in my back I am still at a 1 cm and 50% effaced.  You have to pick a schedule time for a last resort c-section.  So we picked one for the due date the 27th, Friday.  Then when we found out that family was coming to town, 2 sisters we thought if we schedule it earlier then we would be home from the hospital by the time they got here.  So we moved it 3 days up, because you stay in the hospital 3 days.  I know that to other women who have delivered babies that 3 days can change something.  I have a hard time understanding that.  What more am I to do ( that I haven't tried) that in those 3 days it will make a difference.  Why am I trying to force something on my body that so far has not happened.  I have the greatest doctor to, she made me in charge of the decision.  I am healthy the baby is heathy." You can wait, you can schedule the c-section whatever you decide I will be there."  There was never, "you will never deliver vaginally, you will never progress past what you have.  Lets just make things easier and schedule it."   Which so many OB's tell woman and make their lives ( the doctor) easier to just have it scheduled.  After so many tears and frustration we, Chris and I are having a baby tomorrow.  She is coming and we are ready for her.  I can not please anyone who was fortunate to have a body do what is natural and deliver a baby vaginally.  I can not compare my body with there's and I can not be worried that they all think 3 days makes a difference.  In the end.  I am having a baby and she will be beautiful and perfect.   Lets just hope that my body will do better since I will be going in rested and ready.  Let's hope my experience after having surgery will be joyful and nothing like Carter's.  I will hold that baby, I will get to take care of that baby I will pass that baby around and I will not be the one watching this time around.

By the way, even if you have had a baby or are going to, you need to see this documentary, "The Business of being born"  get it from the library, the internet or maybe netflix.  I wish I had know so much more than I did.